Thursday, November 3, 2011

An Unexpected, Unwelcome Guest

None of us were looking for a polyamorous relationship. It came at us out of nowhere. It happened, of its own volition, and none of us could stop it. It was a beast of its own making, and all we could do was follow where it lead. Some would say we asked for it. Some would say we could have stepped off the ride. They haven't a clue about love that just that grips you from the inside out, permeates you and holds you beyond your that is pure and needs no nurturing. Many apply the label to their relationships, but few ever actually experience it: true, unadulterated love.

Now that the last flicker of the poly relationship has been blown out and all contact has been broken, we're left to wonder what it was all supposed to mean and where we go from here. We're told it's simply a matter of getting back to the spot we were as a couple before any of this happened. But we are changed. Fundamentally changed. Everything we've known about our marriage for over two decades has been examined, parsed and challenged. Nothing is the same. Nothing can ever be the same.

Exactly how did high school sweethearts, two people who literally grew up together, two fundamentalist Christians---not just Kool-Aid drinking Christians, but Kool-Aid making Christians--end up so madly in love with another couple? What path led to heartache for which words fail to describe? Many would convince themselves that we've lost our way, and once off the path dictated by religion and social norms, we were lead down a deceitful trail, blinded and bound by sins of the flesh. Yet this is how we have found our way out of a dark wilderness, how we have truly found ourselves. This is how our eyes, blinded by fear and insecurity, have been opened. This path--this breath-catching, hand-over-the-mouth-while-gasping journey--has brought true freedom. It is strewn with the artifacts of pain, strife and unsavory truths. But those are things we've learned to embrace, the price of living an authentic life with no fear of the answers to questions one never dares ask. There is no other way to truly live.


  1. Inteesting start....

    We USED to be fundy Christians too. Has that also changed for you?

  2. Yes, that changed about 5 or 6 years ago. I'll tell more of the story as soon as I get time to gather my thoughts :)